If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize