I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
