I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
