Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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