i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
