I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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