my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize