True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize