that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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