remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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