Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
