what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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