It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
