That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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