it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
