im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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