I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Two words: nipple clamps
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