every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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