this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
