He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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