I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
