the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
