i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
