Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize