Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
