have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
