I think my fart just growled at me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
