..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize