i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
