The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
