before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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