i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I forget how to act sober
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