she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
