he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
