connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
