yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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