i may or may not be watching the land before time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
