I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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