Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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