I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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