Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
