How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
