even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
