he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
