sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
