you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize