Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
