You work out of a Hotel?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
love makes seman taste better
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
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