Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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