My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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