clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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