i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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