She is in my trunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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