Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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