Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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