So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
