i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
