It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize