So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
