He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
