I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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