i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize