Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
