dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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