And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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