After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
