lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
