he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
