I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
