The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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