so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
