in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
