is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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