my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
