Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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