it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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