Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
