"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
