So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize