this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
