dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
