Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize