I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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