Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
