Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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