Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
