I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
