ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
