I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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