some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
