I CAN MOONWALK!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
